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HOLIDAY BLUES
Rev. John T. Crestwell, Jr.

Climbing up a mountain, pulling yourself higher and higher out of the pit of misery…  Things seem to look brighter. Grass is growing, birds are singing, and the sun emerges from the clouds.  Then you start to slip; to lose your grasp, and down you fall. Not quite to the bottom, just teetering on a ledge. Could you go over at any moment? Have you the strength to climb again? 

The pain of your cut soul burns like a fire.  The anger, hurt and frustration Come flooding back into your mind. The fight for survival starts again. Overcome the fear, search for the holds; rely on the support from before. I know it's going to be difficult, but you did it once, you can do it again. Remember, you're not the only one.  Out there are other climbers fighting their own battles, searching their own soul, and conquering their own mountains.

(Poem by Emma Nurton)

These words by Emma Nurton remind us that the Holiday Season is that time of year where some of us have to mentally prepare ourselves for the inevitable sadness that takes hold.  We try to tell ourselves, “Not this year.  I’ll be okay!”  But sure enough our holiday cheer becomes holiday fear as we become afraid of those uncontrollable emotions that well up in our consciousness and pervade our existence for about four weeks or more.  We pray and hope that January 2nd will get here quickly so we can put this time behind us…

What is it about the holidays that bring sadness, depression and despair in many of us?  For some, it is remembering the one we love who passed on—5, 10, 20, 30 years ago.  It is remembering the relationship that dissolved during the holidays; it is realizing you are alone and not comfortable with that; it is remembering that families meet and eat and laugh and celebrate but you don’t have anyone in your family you are close to; or you don’t have a family.  The sadness and despair and depression come and it consumes some of us and we want to cry out, “NO NOT THIS YEAR!  CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!”  We’ve worked on our mind the entire year; climbed out of that abyss, climbed up the mountain and fear infuses our consciousness and the closer the days come to the holidays, we wonder more and more if we will slip and tumble down the mountain or be hanging on that metaphorical ledge that keeps us just a few feet away from that depressive state that overwhelms.  We wonder, “Will I be able to get back up this time?”

I’m talking to you about something that is real for many people during the holidays—the Holiday Blues—and I’ve witnessed it with my mother who lost the pearl of her world, my grandmother, Helen Smallwood. She was the rock in the family.  When she died at 73 years of age from cancer, my mom for a long, long, long time mourned her death and asked that eternal question, “WHY?”  I also remember how sad she was during Christmas. 

When you meet my mother now, you would never know.  She is a funny and silly person.  Recently, I asked her how she overcame her depression to move on with her life?  She told me she didn’t have a choice.  Moving on was her only option.  She then exclaimed, “I coped by becoming a ‘grocery-store-holic!’” (I’m not kidding).  “There were days when I would go to the grocery store everyday of the week,” she said.  Can you believe that!  Do we have any “grocery-store-holics” out there? (Tell the truth).    

Mom then shared that when she got down she would think about what she was going to buy in the store that day and it cheered her up or at least helped her focus on something she enjoyed.   Okay, I don’t recommend this expensive therapy but there is a gem of wisdom here—I think….  It is not that we need to go grocery shopping everyday.   The gem is what my mom did.  She created something to look forward to and we have a word for this—hope.  She cannot bring her mother back but she still needed hope in something to help her carry on with her life.

Oscar Wilde says, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”  Yes, we all need to be hopeful.  But hope brings with it a double edged sword.   Ask Francis Bacon who said, “Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.”  Or Nietzsche who exclaimed, “Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of humankind.”  I’m not sugar-coating my point, when we hope we know there is pain because hopes and dreams can become hopelessness and broken dreams.  But I tell you this day if you are human and you live and breathe like me—you need, if not a lot—a little hope!

Hope defined is a feeling that what is wanted will happen; or desire accompanied by expectation.   We need positive expectations to get us through a tough time otherwise --why climb that mountain?  Hope pushes us to go; to take one more step.  Without it, we sit and wallow in our misery.     

There was a very good movie “Jakob the Liar” staring Robin Williams produced 1999.  The movie was set in Poland, 1944.  Jakob was a Jewish shop keeper who is summoned to the ghetto after being caught out after curfew.  Somewhere in the movie he overhears a German radio broadcast about Russian troop movements and begins sharing information with a friend about a possible rescue; and then not long after that, rumors begin flying that Jakob has a secret radio within the community (which was illegal) and that the Allies will be rescuing them very soon.  Many of the Jews in the concentration camp would say, “How do you know we will get rescued?”  And they would say, “Jakob heard it on the radio.  He has a secret radio.”   Jakob gets so tied into this lie that he cannot get out of it.  He knew if the Germans found out he could be killed so he really doesn’t want to continue the lie, but he sees people very jovial about their potential rescue and hope spreads and changes this oppressed camp.  Eventually his lie is discovered (he has no radio); depression and outrage occur.  Hope becomes hopelessness but as it seems all is lost, at the end of the film the Allies do show up.

I don’t want to under-dramatize the film.  It is much deeper than this, but the movie makes my point, we must have a measure of hope and that can change our reality!  However, as mentioned, there is the other side of hope and sometimes the canvass we paint may not always turn out to be the beautiful picture we intended to create.  The wish we want is not the wish we always get.  But that does not mean we stop being hopeful!  There are many times when hoping and dreaming transforms our lives and there have been times historically when hope has transformed the world.  When the cry was, “Hold on just a little while longer!” and that LONGER was stealing away to Canada by way of the Underground Railroad, hope was all our ancestors had and hope got them through!

I want you to find some hope this holiday season if you find yourself depressed…  Find some joy, find some love—find something positive that will help you to “Keep on keepin’ on.”  Find a simple thing—find a simple song to soothe your pain...  Find a friend and spend time with them or find someone who is sad and together—celebrate life!  Find somewhere you can serve and give back to the community.

I too get upset, depressed and miserable. I’ve found a key…  I use my mothers secret.   I go to the grocery store—but in a different way.  I’m normally giddy and excited about life because I train myself to find joy everyday no matter the calamities that befall. But the key for me is that I try to make sure there is something to look forward to each and everyday.  Let’s see…  I go to every Redskins game and that is something I look forward to (well it depresses me now).  Let me try that again… I’ll think about planning time for the family and how I can do that better.  I’ll think about how I can’t wait to see my kids—ASLEEP (they look like angels).  I’ll think about my favorite TV show.  I’ll think about my sermon for the week and how I can help others be the best they can be.  I think about and look forward to being a part of the various committees and groups I’m in where I bond socially and spiritually with others.  I think about my ministerial vision.  I think about my entrepreneurial pursuits, I think about going to the library or book store to buy a good book and while I’m there I’ll get a cup of my favorite coffee to sip (you feelin’ warm and fuzzy yet?).  I think about my next vacation.   I think about what I can do to change this world—how can I get more involved?  How can I really make a difference?  I think about many, many things…   In a way, I’m just like my mom.  I go to the grocery store in my mind and conjure up all that I love about life and I do it everyday!  I have so much that I love in life, so I think about the things that make me happy!  And then I act.  So now I am thinking positively and acting positively; I am busy doing the things I enjoy.   This is being hopeful and we all need some hope! 

What do you think about?  Are you ever-hopeful or never hopeful?  We will never forget the loved ones who are passed and gone.  We will never forget about getting our hearts broken and the relationships lost during the holiday season or some other time...  The sting of life lingers… But it does not have to cripple you.  It does not have to shut you down.  You can get to the top of that mountain. And you do have a choice.   I say to you, overcome your fear and climb again!  Reach from that ledge and climb again.  Choose hope—come what may choose hope!  Now, do me a favor, go read that poem at the top of this article again.  Happy Holidays!

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