Golfing With Monkeys

By Rev. Scott W. Alexander
March 21, 2010

“Golfing With Monkeys”…now there’s a sermon title that tells you ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about what I want to focus upon this morning, nothing (that is) unless you know the rather intriguing story. Is anybody here this morning familiar with the “Golfing With Monkeys” story? [SCOTT LOOKS FOR HANDS HELD UP IN THE CONGREGATION ] Good, I like “basically clueless congregations,” they’re more receptive!

Here’s the story: The Rev. Gregory Knox Jones (a Presbyterian minister who serves a church in Northern Virginia) writes that “Once the English had colonized [India] and established their businesses, they yearned for recreation and decided to build a golf course in Calcutta. Golf in Calcutta [however would prove to] present a unique obstacle. Monkeys [from a nearby habitat] would drop out of the trees, scurry across the course and seize the golf balls. The monkeys would play with the balls, tossing them here and there. At first, the golfers tried to control the monkeys. Their first strategy was to build high fences around the fairways and greens. This approach, which seemed initially to hold much promise, was abandoned when the golfers discovered that a fence is no challenge to an ambitious monkey. Next the golfers tried luring the monkeys away from the course. But the monkeys found nothing as amusing as watching humans go wild whenever their little white balls were disturbed. In desperation, the British began trapping [and relocating] the monkeys. But for every monkey they carted off, another would appear. Finally, the golfers gave into reality and [established] a rather novel ground rule [for that particular course]. Golfers [in Calcutta] were obliged to PLAY THE BALL WHERE[EVER] THE MONKEY DROPPED IT. [and then Rev. Knox reflects on the story] As you can imagine, playing [under this rule] could be maddening. A beautiful drive [SCOTT MOTIONS WITH HIS HANDS] down the center of the fairway might be picked up by a monkey and then dropped in the rough. Or the opposite could happen. A hook or slice that had produced a miserable lie might be flung [right] onto the[middle of the] fairway.” The unpredictable monkeys, then, brought equal measures of gratuitous bad and good luck to the game.

[PAUSE]

Now…I was both charmed and fascinated when I first read this story…and “the perpetual preacher” in me immediately concluded that this interesting story (about the mischievous monkeys wrecking havoc with the best laid plans of golfers in Calcutta) deserved an entire sermon. It deserves an entire sermon because LIFE IS SO OFTEN LIKE THIS (as we try to navigate our way over the course of our lives). This morning I want to reflect on this story about the mischievous monkeys who inserted capriciously themselves into the game the humans were trying to play for I believe it is a telling (and a spiritually instructive) metaphor about these lives we live in this unpredictable world. I want to make several spiritual points which this story wisely make clear.

First, there is the obvious truth of LIFE’S UTTER UNPREDICTABILITY…ITS FREQUENT RANDOMNESS (AND, IF YOU WILL, ITS PERPETUAL “UNFAIRNESS”). From almost as soon as we begin to think about life as little children, we human beings like to think -- despite the regular, abundant, and unmistakable evidence we receive to the contrary -- we like to think that (just as every golf course has clear rules which the players should observe and obey so they can “finish the course,” and “succeed at the game”) that “in the game of life” also there are clear rules to follow “over the course of our lives,” -- if you will -- which if we faithfully observe will help us likewise to successfully navigate our way. Most of us (even through adulthood) have a “tape” (that plays at least subliminally in our heads) and that tape (or life script) goes something like this. “If I just work hard…live right… mind my Ps and Qs…obey the law…live by my principles… watch my diet…brush my teeth… exercise regularly…don’t drink excessively…tend to my marriage and career…carefully rear my children – if I follow the basic rules and live like I should – then I will sail through life, and everything will basically work out for me as planned.”

This “tape” that plays in our heads about living by the rules (and subsequently breezing right along in life) is fine, of course except for one thing -- LIFE (you all know it’s true) REGULARLY DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY! I can say this with certainty not only because I have been banging around in this beautiful (but dangerous and unpredictable) creation of ours for 60 years now, but because for more than 35 years now I have (as a minister) been in the business of helping people come to terms with the random, unexpected (and sometimes profoundly unfair and painful) realities that so often intrude into our otherwise “orderly” lives.

Just one heart-breaking example -- if I might -- from my own personal circle. I have a dear friend who was recently at the absolute top of his game -- he was happily married, with wonderful kinds,…his career was going along fabulously, he was widely respected in his community, and was the picture of contentment and health – when all of a sudden, seemingly completely out of the blue, he was diagnosed with an aggressive strain of leukemia. Now, instead of sailing effortlessly along, he is fighting for his life and his future…in just a heartbeat everything changed all at once for this dear friend of mine…and so it can be for any of us…at any time.

Tell me if your life and world is any different, but “where I live” on this planet we’ll be happily playing along in the fairway that we’re on, when all of a sudden some monkey comes out of nowhere, snatches our ball, and deposits it in some difficult (or painful) place we did not expect. This is an unpredictable universe, it’s often unfair and painful, AND WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL.

And just as in the case of these mischievous Calcutta monkeys (and here I arrive at the second aspect of this little story that rings true for me) while it is undeniably true that sometimes our ball is capriciously dropped right in the rough (as in the case of my friend’s cancer diagnosis when it gets really hard to “play our usual game”) other times – MANY OTHER TIMIES ACTUALLY ( and this we must never spiritually forget) many times our ball is graciously placed right in the middle of the green (when all we have to do is effortlessly tap the ball gently into the hole). I passionately believe this remarkably open and fluid world of ours (which, again, we do not, despite our best and most dutiful efforts – as those British golfers discovered -- succeed in controlling) this remarkable open and fluid world of ours holds at least as much: 1) amazing grace and good luck for us as it does 2) misfortune and bad breaks.

And I -- for one -- do not believe (and this is a core theological and spiritual belief of mine that informs the way respond to the events of my life and the lives of others) I do not believe that this creation of ours has any sort of “purpose” or “intention” or “plan”…any more, really, that those monkeys who randomly intruded into the game the people were playing on that Calcutta course had a purpose, intention or plan. Creation is not: 1) “out to get us” any more than it 2) “promises us an easy ride.” Creation (and life on this planet) is full of random and unexpected events and outcomes…and there is simply no way (no matter how diligently we play by the rules we think are in place) there is simply no way we can make ourselves immune from these random occurrences. We cannot control (as if we’d want to!) the many pleasant events and wondrous outcomes that randomly come our way -- like meeting the “love of your life” on a commuter train some typical morning…or having all three of your kids grow up to be bright and charming and healthy and successful adults…or (through no discernable competence on your part) falling into the job you’ve always dreamed of…or being a lucky enough driver (as is mercifully the case with me) to have never been involved in so much as a fender-bender on the road. There is simply no accounting (in this life) for the GOOD LUCK and ABUNDANT, UNDESERVED GRACE that comes our way!

And (on the other, more complicated side of life’s equation, as I have already observed) we most certainly similarly cannot control most of the unpleasant events and difficult outcomes that randomly come our way -- like developing – as so many of us do at some point in our lifetimes -- a life-limiting or life-threatening disease…or injuring yourself badly from a fall at home…or having a marriage slowly fall apart despite your best efforts…or losing your job due to global economic conditions…or having a son or daughter get in trouble with drugs or struggle with mental illness. No matter how careful or competent or clever we are in our lives – no matter how diligently we follow all the rules we imagine are in place to makes things predictable – we cannot control most of the misfortunes which will come our way…and any glib “new-age guru” who implies differently should be shown the spiritual door! Life on this planet (as I understand it, any way) is a lot like the chaos that existed on that monkey-infested Calcutta golf course…weird, wild, woeful and wondrous things happen…both for good and ill…and like those wise golfers, the sooner we accept the fact that we are not in charge, the sooner we can move ahead to finish the game with some sort of wisdom, calm and grace.

And I would pause here (after making this fundamental assertion about how life randomly works) and make what feels like another crucial observation. I think that we human beings are far better at paying attention to (and cataloguing in our psyches) the misfortunes and unpleasantnesses that come our way (like when some monkey of fate throws our ball right into the rough) than we are at noticing (and taking into our hearts for safe keeping and cultivation) the amazing graces and blessings that regularly come our way (like when some joyful monkey kindly-yet-without-knowing deposit our ball right next to the pin).

Let me speak personally for a moment. I am a really cheerful and up-beat guy, and I must honestly tell you that some people even find my optimism IRRITATING from time to time -- like my spouse does some mornings when I bound cheerfully out of bed at 6:21 AM, perky and ready for the new day! But my natural optimism aside, I nonetheless, I know that in my daily life I am quick to notice (and grumble to myself and complain to others about) any number of inconveniences, difficulties or challenges that randomly come my way – like the toilet handle in the downstairs bathroom that snapped off into my hand the other morning….or the flat tire I had on my bike (a few days ago) commuting up to work in the rain…or the chronic knee pain from arthritis that now crimps my style and makes me limp…or the unexpected weekday interruptions in my office that prevent me from accomplishing my already crowded work plan) I notice and complain about it every time some MONKEY OF EVERYDAY FATE tossing my ball into the rough!

And what’s more -- despite my best efforts to try to spiritually and emotionally notice (and be grateful for) all the good breaks and blessings that routinely come my way -- I am nonetheless routinely more reluctant to acknowledge in my heart how very lucky and blessed I am…the breeze that so often is at my back…the kindnesses and courtesies that come my way…the beauty of the natural world around me, the good night’s sleep that blessed me in rest last night – than I am to notice all of life’s complications. Why do I not regularly and spontaneously whistle cheerfully in my own heart about all these wondrous little daily monkeys which keep my life right in the middle of the fairway? I’ll bet you anything that (just like me) most of those Calcutta golfers were better at cursing the monkeys (who tossed their ball into the rough or onto the wrong fairway) than they were at singing praised to the monkeys (who graciously deposited their ball right up next to the pin)…it is hard for us human beings to fully appreciate all “the really good stuff” that comes our way in life.

And so the spiritual question I pose for your consideration this fine Sunday morning in January is this: How are YOU doing [SCOTT POINTS TO THE CONGREGATION] in your life right now with the wise spiritual practice (and it really is that – a life saving and enriching spiritual practice) of genuinely noticing the many blessings and the breaks that randomly come your way -- at least as much as you notice the difficulties and challenges that also come your way? How are you doing these days with remembering how blessed your life really is?

And here is something else that is very important to remember about GRACE and DIFFICULTY in our lives. Recent studies about happiness (conducted by psychologists at Harvard and elsewhere, which many of you have no doubt heard about) which conclude that (and now I’m going to put this in the context of my golfing with monkeys story) that whether our ball is dropped deep in the rough (by some mischievous monkey event in our lives like losing a job or becoming ill) or whether our ball is placed sweetly on the green (by our getting exactly what we think we want in life) WE HUMAN BEINGS CONSISTENTLY OVER-ESTIMATE how happy or unhappy these respective turns of fate will make us. In his wonderful book Stumbling on Happiness [SCOTT HOLDS UP A COPY OF THE BOOK] Dr. Daniel Gilbert of Harvard writes ”What we’ve been seeing in my [research], over and over again, is that people have an inability to predict what will make us happy – or unhappy…Few of us can accurately gauge how we will feel tomorrow or next week…[people routinely] overestimate how future successes and failures will affect their happiness, for the better or worse…The truth is, bad things don’t affect us as profoundly as we expect them to. That’s true of good things too…The good isn’t as good, and the bad isn’t as bad as we think it’s going to be…Our research simply says that whether [its some pleasant event or a difficult one that occurs in our lives] both will matter LESS [over the long term] than you think they will [in terms of your happiness or sorrow]. [And the truth is that regardless of what happens – good or bad] we ADAPT very quickly to either. So the good news is that going blind is not going to make you unhappy as you think it will. [And] the bad news is that winning the lottery will not make you as happy as you expect. And why is this? The answer, according to these behavioral scientists, is simple…we human beings (and now I quote them again) “are generally unable to recognize that we ADAPT [pretty well] to new circumstances…we seem unable to predict that we will [eventually successfully] adapt” to the new life situations (wonderful or difficult) we find ourselves in.

And thus I arrive at (what to my heart at least) is THE CRUCIAL SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL POINT imbedded in the “golfing with monkeys” story…that being THE SUPREME VALUE OF AN ADAPTABLE HEART! This [SCOTT POINTS TO HIMSELF] Unitarian Universalist minister is passionately persuaded that emotional survival and spiritual success over the course of our lives depends (as it did for those Calcutta golfers) on our willingness to ADAPT to unforeseen realities (both positive and negative that pop into our lives) that we cannot (despite our best efforts) control. Just as those Calcutta golfers WROTE THE MONKEYS INTO the course rule book, we must WRITE INTO OUR HEARTS a willingness to adapt to both the batterings (like sudden illness or accidents) and the blessings (like an unexpected new friend or grandchild) which burst into our lives.

[PAUSE…]

One little example if I might. A few years back – a hurricane smashed ashore in Chesapeake Bay in southern Maryland (where I own a modest summer cottage) causing hundreds-of-millions-of-dollars of damage. Our cottage was spared, but the morning after the storm I went across the street to survey what the powerful storm had done to my neighbor’s property (which sits right on 20 foot bluff above the water). Overnight, his entire front lawn had been swept away by the powerful storm surge, and his house now sat precariously close to the edge of the bluff. It was clear that he were going to have to spend several months (and something in excess of $150,000) to have their bay frontage restored (with railroad ties and many truckloads of rock and dirt). As we stood there commiserating about his terrible misfortune, suddenly this neighbor, said -- with an unmistakable spiritual twinkle in his eye -- “Yea, it’s going to be a costly mess, BUT LOOK, SCOTT, I NOW HAVE A BEACH FOR MY GRANDKIDS TO PLAY ON!” And sure enough, I looked down, and there…beneath his bulkhead where there had never been any sand…was a sweet little white sand beach…a sweet little white sand beach just big enough for a few beach chairs (and lots of summer sand castles). “The hurricane took my lawn,” my neighbor said “but she left me a beach…she left me a beach!”

[OPTIONAL PARAGRAPH]
One more quick example of human adaptability, if I might. Recently I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who similarly has been able to find his spiritual and emotional way to positively and creatively adapting IN HIS HEART AND IN HIS LIFE to a new, unwanted circumstances that recently unfolded in his life. This friend (who is in his late 50’s) was recently diagnosed with diabetes…which, as you all know is going to require some rather substantial and significant life style changes on his part if he is to successfully manage the illness. When I was commiserating with him about this unwanted medical development in his life this friend (who because of this diagnosis has radically changed his diet, lost 40 pounds, and begun a daily, hour long exercise regimen) said to me, “Scott, I never (of course) would have wished this medical crisis on myself, but I believe that this crisis has been a real blessing and opportunity for me…an opportunity for me (if I am just willing to make some changes) to live a much happier and healthier life than I ever have…I honestly feel that diabetes may be one of the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Let me bring all this a bit closer to home. For most of my adult life, I was an avid runner (some might say an addicted runner) usually running 12 to 14 miles every day, 7 days a week. But awhile back, I developed painful arthritis – so I can no longer strap on a pair of running shoes and fly out the door (as I so loved to do). Now for my daily exercise I cycle (which do not hurt my knees). I must tell you that this shift from running to biking has been a most unwelcomed change in my life, I grieve the loss of my ability to run, and even have regular dreams at night that I am somehow running again. But what I have discovered (like my neighbor with the new beach brought in by the hurricane) what I have discovered is that because of the “MONKEY KNEES” which I cannot control or fix, biking has OPENED TO ME A WHOLE NEW UNIVERSE OF GLORIOUS NEW PLEASURES AND DELICIOUS OPPORTUNITIES. Though (as I have said) I miss running so very much, I HAVE ADAPTED, and now LOVE – absolutely love – cycling up the rail trail (that Runs along the Potomac River up from Washington DC) 11 miles each morning to work. I absolutely love watching my world --the beautiful trees, the majestic river, the stoical great blue herons, the curious deer, other cyclists -- fly by in beauty. So, because I was willing to adapt, the avid runner has become the passionate and happy cyclist…just last Spring cycled with a group of other “type A personalities” from Los Angeles to Savannah in 27 days (that’s 120 miles a day for those of you doing the math)…I had AN ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS trip…and as a routine matter, I am happy (truly happy) to get on my bike every day.

And speaking of cycling, one last example. Many days (when I am on that beautiful paved trail on my way to work, I pass a guy (he must be about 30) on his bike, who is utterly unremarkable except for one thing…he is a paraplegic who cannot use his legs. How does he cycle, you ask? He had someone build him a special bike THAT ALLOWS HIM TO PEDAL WITH HIS HANDS. Every time I see this guy (pedaling furiously and happily with his hands in front of him) I am moved by the power and courage of his willingness to adapt to what has befallen him…and the words of Albert Camus come to mind:

Yes, there are deprivations, there are the deprivations which give rise to our worst sorrows, BUT WHAT DOES IT TRUELY MATTER WHAT WE HAVE LOST, WHEN WHAT WE HAVE LOST IS NOT YET USED UP. There are so many things susceptible of being loved that surely no discouragement can be final. To know how to suffer, to know how to love, and when everything collapses, to pick it all up again, simple richer for the suffering – happy, almost, in the awareness of our [difficulty].

In a similar vein, Rabbi Harold Schulwies tells about violinist Yitzhak Perlman in this story poem:

We have seen Yitzhak Perlman
Who walks the stage with braces on both legs
On two crutches
He takes his seat, unhinges the clasps of his legs,
Tucking one leg back, extending the other,
Laying down his crutches, placing the violin under his chin.

On one occasion one of his violin strings broke.
The audience grew silent but the violinist didn’t leave the stage.
He signaled the maestro and the orchestra began its part.
The violinist played with power and intensity on only three strings.
With three strings, he modulated, changed and
Recomposed the piece in his head.
He retuned the strings to get different sounds,
Turned them upward and downward.
The audience screamed delight,
Applauded their appreciation.
Asked later how he had accomplished this feat,
The violinist answered,
“It is my task to make music with what remains.”
A legacy mightier than a concert.
Make music with what remains.
Complete the song left for us to sing.
Transcend the loss,
Play it out with heart, soul and might,
With all remaining strength within us.

Some of you may be aware that recently there have been several psychological studies undertaken about what makes for successful aging in human beings…and every one of these studies (by leading psychologists) has concluded that it is THE ADAPTERS -- those persons who are emotionally and spiritually SUPPLE ENOUGH to roll with life’s punches…to accept new information about their lives…and FRAME IN THE REALITIES OF THEIR LIVES IN NEW, OPPORTUNISTIC. EMPOWERING WAYS – it is THE ADAPTERS…THE SUPPLE, ADAPTABLE SOULS who do the best, report themselves the happiest…because they make and follow “NEW RULES” which help them make the most of their unfolding lives.

[PAUSE…]

Alright…I’ve been going for almost 30 minutes now…it’s time for me to end this sermon. Because I want every one of you to remember my message to you this morning, I’m going to summarize it before I close. Here it is. Life is often hard. Life is often difficult. Life is often unpredictable, chaotic and unfair. Random things happen to us that throw us for a loop, wreck havoc in our lives, and render inoperative all those “sure and secure rules” by which we try to “routinize” and control our lives. In a creation as open and fluid as ours, we often cannot control such random and difficult circumstance. We are not master of outward circumstance.

But we are in charge of our INNER LIVES. We can control how we react and proceed. We can align the camber of our hearts in ways that will allow us to bravely and creatively ADAPT. Like the golfers of Calcutta, we are free to stay in the game and “be a player” in our own unfolding lives. But we’ll need to remember the key rule…PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT!

Now…some of you are going to go home after church this morning, and will immediately see the recalcitrant spouse who did not accompany you here this morning who will innocently ask: “Hey Hon, what did you learn in church this morning?” And because you’ve been listening (with both ear and heart) this morning, you will know just what to say…you will say that you learned to ”PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT.” Let’s all say it together so we don’t forget it: “PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT.” “Hon, what did you learn in church this morning?”…”PLAY THE BALL WHERE THE MONKEY DROPS IT!”

HEY HARRIS…I THINK THEY’VE GO IT!

I’M DONE HERE [MY WORK IS DONE HERE]…AMEN.