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PHILIA: A Valentines Day Story
by Dawn Star Borchelt

Our worship service today celebrates many kinds of love.  The ancient Greeks classified three kinds of love:  philia or brotherly, sisterly, friendly love; eros or passionate love; and agape or divine love.  Of course, there are more kinds of love than those three.  What about love between mother and child?  Father and child?  A boy or girl and his or her dog or cat or parakeet?  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, love of the natural world or some part of it?

Love is complicated.  There are more than three kinds.  And even within those three kinds, there are different shades and textures and tastes and feelings of love.  Love can feel different at different times with different people in different places . . ..

To help us think about how complicated love is and the different ways love feels I brought something with me today.  It’s a heart-shaped box.  I need some helpers for this part – who would like to come up?

So this box represents philia, the kind of love that is between brothers and sistes.  Actually, it represents the love between me and my brothers.  I have a brother who was born when I was 16 months old and one who was born when I was 5 years old.  And I love them and they love me in lots of ways. 

Let’s open the box.  Inside I have some things that show how my love for my brothers has felt at different times in our lives.  Here’s something [pull out candy heart, ask child to describe how it looks and eat it and say how it tastes – shiny, pretty, sweet]

This reminds me of playing little house on the prairie and arctic explorers and building a lego town the size of a ping-pong table with my brothers when we were all kids.  Love is fun and happy.

Here’s something else [pull out felt heart, ask child to describe how it feels – soft, warm]

I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old we lived in a big house and one night my mom was at one end of the house and my brothers and I were at the other end.  Between us was a big, dark room with a lamp that couldn’t be turned on unless you went into the dark room and turned a knob.  I was scared of the dark and I didn’t think I could do it.  But my brothers were there, too.  And they were scared of the dark, too.  And I found that although I couldn’t go into that dark room for myself, I could go in for them.  Love is stronger than fear.

Now, there’s even more in this box [show how it swings open].  Here’s another thing: [pull out rock, ask child to describe how it feels – hard, sharp]

I remember when I was a teenager, the older of my two brothers found and read some of my journal.  I was so angry.  I told him that if he ever did that again, I wouldn’t speak to him until I could forgive him and that would take a long, long time.  In our family, we didn’t say things like that, and he knew I meant it.  He never snooped in my things again.  Love doesn’t always feel good.

Here’s one more thing: [pull out braided yarn, ask child to describe what it is – three pieces of yarn braided together]

I am still connected to my brothers, even now that I am an adult and have children of my own and we live in three different places.  Our lives all began in the same family, in the same city, in the same house, with the same parents.  We have certain things in common, certain things we know about each other, that no-one else will ever know, no matter what.  Every year we try to all be in the same place at the same time at least once, preferably twice.  Sometimes we don’t agree, sometimes we feel perplexed by something one of the others has done.  Love binds us together wonderfully and well.

Thank you for your help!

Now please rise in body or spirit as you are willing and able to sing hymn number 18, What Wondrous Love

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